10/26/01
This one owes mad props to Peggy.
Also, you'll need to know that Charmin's current slogan is "Cha-Cha-Cha-Charmin!", and an older one of theirs is "Please don't squeeze the Charmin."
Presenting...An Idea I Had for a Commercial
By Satan
Setting: A typical American supermarket, in a fairly large open space. A stock boy (Ricky Martin) is setting up a toilet tissue display (Charmin).
Enter shopper (Boy George), pushing cart full of miscellany, typical grocery-type things. Oh, hell, it's Boy George. The cart is filled to the brim with a combination of garishly attired and naked Ken dolls and makeup, with a large, silver disco ball in the middle.
Boy George: (pushes cart over to display, the other side of which Ricky Martin is working on. Does not yet notice Ricky.) OOoooOOooooh, Charmin!
Boy George selects a package of Charmin, lifts it to chest level, and squeezes it deeply while shutting his eyes blissfully and sighing.
Ricky Martin now pokes his head around display.
Ricky Martin: (indignantly) Hola! You there! (enters from around side of display) Are you squeezing the Cha-Cha-Cha-Charmin? (emphasizes the "Cha-Cha-Cha" by shaking his bon-bon)
Boy George: (replaces Charmin and eyes Ricky appreciatively from toe to head to toe again, then reaches around and squeezes something hidden from our view)
Ricky Martin: (eyes get big and throws hands in the air, again shaking his bon-bon) Cha-Cha-Cha-Charmin!
Freeze-Frame and insert Voice Over (deep male voice): Please don't squeeze the Charmin. Please.
Ricky sound clip Voice Over: Cha-Cha-Cha-Charmin!
The End
Yep. Scary as hell. Actually, it's kind of ripped off of the casting for Dirty Dancing 2, which stars Boy George and Ricky Martin.Now I've...had...the time of my lifeCHA-CHA-CHANo I never felt like this beforeCHA-CHA-CHAYes I swear it's the truthCHA-CHA-CHAand I owe it all to you
And that's why Charmin's slogans are really the work of Satan. Or at least really big Ricky Martin fans, which is close enough.